Purging

Things are in fast-forward mode, once again. I have a lot to do in a short period of time (my specialty, right?). It is one of those times, when everything is changing, and I am in high gear planning and implementing a goal. And it is during times like these that I tend to spend a lot of time, going over, in my mind, some important memories that led to this turning point, and I think of a lot of the important lessons that I have experienced in my life. And I spend a lot of time formulating plan A and plan B and trying to be sure that I think of everything in order to avoid surprises and setbacks. And sometimes, during these times, my thoughts become a whirlpool of memories and reminiscing as I pack all of my things into boxes and label each one and try to organize the non-replaceable memories separate from the replaceable things, and as I am doing this, I run across a scrap piece of paper with some notes scribbled on it, that would just be trash if it were not for the memory that comes clear in my head each time I look at that paper with the notes scribbled on it, and then I put it back in the same little drawer of my jewelry box where it has been for over five years now, and I think of that day that those notes were written and it reminds of the first year for my second son Lucas…kids are fun at that age when so much stuff is new to them.


This time, I am actually taking some time in my packing more than other moves. This time, I am taking some extra time to organize the stuff that I am keeping and get rid of a bunch of stuff that I have been keeping for way too long. I probably will not get rid of that scrap piece of paper just yet, and, of course, I am going to hang on to all of those journals that hold my thoughts, adventures and poetry for the past 20 years, but I AM getting rid of some of the junk that I have been accumulating and carrying with me since highschool, late teens, early twenties, mid twenties, and late twenties. I am getting rid of all the mix-matched furniture that I have accumulated all of these years from garage sales, hand-me-downs, dumpster dives, etc. I am getting rid of a bunch of stuff and leaving a bunch behind and I am actually wiping my hands of a lot more than I ever have before.


I feel as though I am suddenly on auto-pilot ever since the airplane landed in Florida a couple weeks ago and I realized that I needed to move closer to my family. I was suddenly swept away by a whirlwind of a different direction. After 17 years of running, and searching for something that I just would not believe could not exist, I have finally decided to give up on a hopeless dream and go home, and thanks to a recent series of events, my heart is beating stronger than ever before and I am not afraid and I am not weak and I am not burning any bridges this time and I am not leaving behind any unfinished business and I am dumping all of the crap that I have been sweeping under the rug for way too many years.