Anniversary

Today is my seven year anniversary for a very important event in my life. Most of the people that I knew prior to October 18, 1995 are no longer around. Two people knew me through it all and remain a significant part of my life now. My Mom and I were not speaking then and I am glad that she did not see the worst of me and I am even more glad that she and I speak on a regular basis today and she has become a big part of my life. And then there are all of the friends that I have made since then, and all of you, who lurk here undetected, reading my thoughts on a regular basis, who do not really know where I came from seven years ago and how much my life changed beginning with October 18, 1995.  That was the day that my whole world as I knew it came crashing down. That was the day that I believed I was going to lose everything including my son and my husband and myself. I thought all was lost and I was at the very bottom of the pit I had been creating and now I believed that they were just going to shovel the dirt on top of me. A big part of me did die that day, but it was the part that really needed to die. Now it has been seven years and I have to tell you it has been the best seven years. During the past seven years, I worked very hard to resolve the issues that I had been keeping inside and have defeated most of the daemons that were hiding behind the shadows of my mind. During the past seven years, I learned how to be a good mom and even had another son. During the past seven years, I went back to school and spent 5 years getting my bachelors degree in computer science. During the past seven years, I have worked very hard to crawl out of the rubble and stand on top of it instead of being buried under it. Today is a very good day. To all of you people that were negatively affected by my lack of consideration and caring prior to that day, I just really have to say how very, very sorry I am for it all. To those of you who believed in me enough to see me through it all, I just really have to say how thankful I am that you were there when I did not even deserve the unconditional support. To those of you that I have come to know in the last seven years, I just really have to say thank you because each one of you has given me some insight and some knowledge and some understanding and some way of looking at things that has helped shape me into the person I have come to be. I am not perfect by any means and I really do not think I want to be. Each day, though, I become more and more of the exact opposite of the person I was for the first 25 years of my life. And as bad as things were back then, that is how good things have become now. This is a good day. Keep it real. It is good to be alive.