3:00am. Can’t sleep, so I took my dog, Charlie, out in the front yard and let him pee on his favorite tree and I looked at the sky and all the stars. I have always loved the sky and all the colors and the clouds and the stars and the sun and the moon and the birds. Pretty much all the stuff beyond the face of this planet. It seems so overpopulated and we spend so much money every year on research on how to prolong life and we spend so much money every year imprisoning those who willingly take lives. Sometimes I think it would be so cool to live back in the 1800s. All of that open land..all of that freedom to wander from place to place and no city lights to block out the beauty of the night sky.
Drive – Incubus
My new theme song. This one is great to sing to in the car really loud when nobody else is listening.
Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can’t help but ask myself how much
I’ll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It’s driven me before, and it seems to have a vague,
Haunting mass appeal.
But lately I’m beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel.
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I’ll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there..I’ll be there.
So, if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
Aah-ah-oo-o-o.
It’s driven me before and it seems to be the way
That everyone else gets around.
But lately I’m beginning to find that when
I drive myself my light is found.
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I’ll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeahhh
Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there…I’ll be there.
Would you choose water over wine….hold the wheel and drive?
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I’ll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there..I’ll be there.
Do do do do do do do do do do do
Ohh wa oh
Do do do do do do do do do do do
Ohh wa oh
The Cat Crossed My Path
I was driving home tonight and it was pretty dark and few cars on the road. All of a sudden, my headlights caught cat eyes and then my truck caught the cat. I was so very bummed. I have never hit a cat or a dog that I know of. And this really sucked. My wheel went right over the cat. And I was so sad and so in shock all at the same time and my heart was beating. I stopped and went back to check, but there wasn’t anything I could do other than to wrap the cat in a tshirt and move him off the road. Well, they say it is bad luck when a black cat crosses your path, so what does it mean if you kill that cat?
When I’m Gone – 3 Doors Down
I couldn’t have said this better myself.
There’s another world inside of me
That you may never see
There’re secrets in this life
That I can’t hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There’s a light that I can’t find
Maybe it’s too far away…
Or maybe I’m just blind…
Or maybe I’m just blind…
[Chorus]
So hold me when I’m here
Right me when I’m wrong
Hold me when I’m scared
And love me when I’m gone
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I’ll never let you down
Even if I could
I’d give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I’m here
Right me when I’m wrong
You can hold me when I’m scared
You won’t always be there
So love me when I’m gone
Love me when I’m gone…
When your education X-Ray
Cannot see under my skin
I won’t tell you a damn thing
That I could not tell my friends
Roaming through this darkness
I’m alive but I’m alone
Part of me is fighting this
But part of me is gone
[Chorus]
Or maybe I’m just blind…
[Chorus]
Love me when I’m gone…
Love me when I’m gone
When I’m Gone
When I’m Gone
When I’m Gone
Tom Petty – Phoenix AZ
Anniversary
Today is my seven year anniversary for a very important event in my life. Most of the people that I knew prior to October 18, 1995 are no longer around. Two people knew me through it all and remain a significant part of my life now. My Mom and I were not speaking then and I am glad that she did not see the worst of me and I am even more glad that she and I speak on a regular basis today and she has become a big part of my life. And then there are all of the friends that I have made since then, and all of you, who lurk here undetected, reading my thoughts on a regular basis, who do not really know where I came from seven years ago and how much my life changed beginning with October 18, 1995. That was the day that my whole world as I knew it came crashing down. That was the day that I believed I was going to lose everything including my son and my husband and myself. I thought all was lost and I was at the very bottom of the pit I had been creating and now I believed that they were just going to shovel the dirt on top of me. A big part of me did die that day, but it was the part that really needed to die. Now it has been seven years and I have to tell you it has been the best seven years. During the past seven years, I worked very hard to resolve the issues that I had been keeping inside and have defeated most of the daemons that were hiding behind the shadows of my mind. During the past seven years, I learned how to be a good mom and even had another son. During the past seven years, I went back to school and spent 5 years getting my bachelors degree in computer science. During the past seven years, I have worked very hard to crawl out of the rubble and stand on top of it instead of being buried under it. Today is a very good day. To all of you people that were negatively affected by my lack of consideration and caring prior to that day, I just really have to say how very, very sorry I am for it all. To those of you who believed in me enough to see me through it all, I just really have to say how thankful I am that you were there when I did not even deserve the unconditional support. To those of you that I have come to know in the last seven years, I just really have to say thank you because each one of you has given me some insight and some knowledge and some understanding and some way of looking at things that has helped shape me into the person I have come to be. I am not perfect by any means and I really do not think I want to be. Each day, though, I become more and more of the exact opposite of the person I was for the first 25 years of my life. And as bad as things were back then, that is how good things have become now. This is a good day. Keep it real. It is good to be alive.
Gathering
My Sister, Stacy, was already in town and my brother, Bill, arrived while Karl and I were at the opera. Tonight, I invited Karl and Julie over along with my sister and brother for a little shin-dig at my house.
Karl And I Going To The Opera
This is a great photo of Karl and I as we prepare to go to the Opera. That was a wonderful evening with a wonderful friend.
Opera With Karl
Karl and I went to the Compass Room for dinner and the Arizona Opera at The Phoenix Symphony hall. We were all dressed up and the night could not have been more wonderful.
We started out the night at the Compass Room restaurant which is a rotating restaurant with a full view of Phoenix. The restaurant is also right across the street from the Symphony Hall where the opera was playing. We saw La Traviata put on by the Arizona Opera
Dressup
Stacy, Karl and I have plans to go to the movies to see Sweet Home Alabama. I got a little silly while waiting for him and decided to play dressup and amuse my sister.