Ponderings

So Wonderful!

The last few months have been quite a challenge.  Everyone who knows me knows that I am the type of person that can juggle multiple balls in the air while balancing on my tight rope. However, instead of new balls being tossed into the mix, they were whipped at me from all sides and I fell of my tight rope many times.

Now, reflecting, I am feeling really good and am getting back on track.

These last few months, I have been financially strapped and working way too many hours just trying to get by and nervous about the economy and my lack of savings.    Extra, unexpected costs were thrown in the mix with my root canal that abscessed and other things like that.

These last few months, I had my son’s court and legal issues to deal with and the uncertainty of what was going to happen with that.  Thankfully, he received a year of probation and 40 hours community service.  He is back on track now as well and working to get his grades up.  The stress and anxiety of court made things very tough on him too.

These last few months, I had to deal with the idea that my father is moving out here to Phoenix.  He announced this at Christmas and I had mixed feelings as well as the plethora of emotions that I worked hard for so many years to gain control over.   During the last three months, these emotions seemed to be taking over my life once again.  My father came out a couple weeks ago and we had dinner.    Somehow or another, surprising even to myself, I found a confidence and told him so much that I had never had the courage to say before.  I had neither anger nor elation, but merely found a balance between the two.  It was definitely a first for me who has always been extreme in the emotions surrounding my father.

Through it all, thankfully, these last few months, I have had a fantastic interaction with a man who I see a couple times per week and met January 2nd.  It is quite remarkable actually.  I have been pretty picky in my dating and seek out a certain type of person who I have found is not very common.  So far, though, this man has those qualities that I have been so hoping to find in someone.  What is even more remarkable is that he seems to really be excited about me as well.  The best part is that we see each other only a couple of times per week and the other nights we have our 30 minute phone call just to check in and say hi.  We both have very demanding jobs as well as other friends that we like to hang out with, and no intention of getting entagled in eachother’s lives, but rather to anticipate our next interaction.  It has been drama free 100% which is so nice.  I haven’t felt anything but elated.  When we are together, I forget about yesterday and tomorrow.  It is probably the most healthy interaction with a man that I have ever experienced and it seems to induce a very specific smile on my face.

There have been many distractions these last few months and much weighing on my mind, but today I feel good and my head is much clearer.

Theme Songs

Pinch Me – Bare Naked Ladies

I have been playing this song a lot lately and it’s fun to sing.  Therefore, I am making it the theme song of the month.

It’s the perfect time of year
Somewhere far away from here
I feel fine enough, I guess
Considering everything’s a mess
There’s a restaurant down the street
Where hungry people like to eat
I could walk but I’ll just drive
It’s colder than it looks outside

It’s like a dream you try to remember
But it’s gone
Then you try to scream
But it only comes out as a yawn
When you try to see the world
Beyond your front door
Take your time, is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you realize that a guy my size might take a while
Just to try to figure out what all this is for

It’s the perfect time of day
To throw all your cares away
Put the sprinkler on the lawn
And run through with my gym shorts on
Take a drink right from the hose
And change into some drier clothes
Climb the stairs up to my room
Sleep away the afternoon

Like a dream you try to remember
But it’s gone
Then you try to scream
But it only comes out as a yawn
When you try to see the world
Beyond your front door
Take your time is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you realize that a guy my size might take a while
Just to try to figure out what all this is for

Pinch me, pinch me, cause I’m still asleep
Please God tell me that I’m still asleep

On an evening such as this
It’s hard to tell if I exist
If I pack the car and leave this town
You’ll notice that I’m not around
I could hide out under there
I just made you say “underwear”
I could leave but I’ll just stay
All my stuff’s here anyway

Like a dream you try to remember
But it’s gone
Then you try to scream
But it only comes out as a yawn
When you try to see the world
Beyond your front door
Take your time is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you realize that a guy my size might take a while
Just to try to figure out what all this is for

Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me
Try to see the world beyond your front door
Pinch me
Try to figure out what all this is for

Theme Songs

The Best Of Times – Styx

Maybe it was the long, blunt, hard-to-swallow article I read this morning on the economic crisis.  Maybe it is how everything seems upside-down right now except for the romance I have every 5 days with the man I have been seeing for the last three months.  Maybe it is that I just feel like hiding out until things get better.   Whatever it is, out of the blue, I started singing this song today and am therefore placing it here as the theme song of the day.

Tonight’s the night we’ll make history, honey, you and I
And I’ll take any risk to tie back the hands of time
And stay with you here tonight
I know you feel these are the worst of times
I do believe it’s true
When people lock their doors and hide inside
Rumor has it it’s the end of Paradise
But I know, if the world just passed us by
Baby I know, you wouldn’t have to cry

The best of times are when I’m alone with you
Some rain some shine, we’ll make this a world for two
Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime
We’ll take the best, forget the rest
And someday we’ll find these are the best of times
These are the best of times

The headlines read ‘these are the worst of times’
I do believe it’s true
I feel so helpless like a boat against the tide
I wish the summer winds could bring back Paradise
But I know, if the world turned upside down
Baby, I know you’d always be around

The best of times are when I’m alone with you
Some rain some shine, we’ll make this a world for two
Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime
We’ll take the best, forget the rest
And someday we’ll find these are the best of times
These are the best of times

And
so my friends we’ll say goodnight For time has claimed it’s prize
But tonight will always last
As long as we keep alive memories of Paradise…

Television and Movies

Battlestar Galactica Hosted At The UN

This is so cool!  Posted on Slashdot today… Full Link Here

TheDopp writes “The United Nations hosted the cast and crew of Battlestar Galactica Tuesday evening in New York. Clips of the show were shown as discussion points during the event, touching on the morality of Suicide Bombers in war, Abortion and the use of torture on enemies of the state. At one point during the event an attendee mentions ‘the “Old Man” launched into a passionate speech about casting off the idea of race as a cultural determinant, and said we were one race, the human race. His voice echoed throughout the chamber growing louder until — I kid you not — he was yelling, “So Say We All,” and the crowd answered right back. Hell, even I yelled it, I was in the fraking United Nations with Adama, the gods themselves could not have stopped this moment.’ The full video of the event is located on the UN website.”

Television and Movies

Battlestar Galactica Season Finale

This Friday is the season finale of Battlestar Galactic and in a two hour episode we are promised the answers to the beginning of eternity for humanity.    We all know that all of this has happened before and all of this will happen again…so say we all.  After 5 years of sitting on the edge of our seats from season to season and living with great impatience between seasons, we are now supposedly going to know the truth to everything.

I must say this season has been pretty good as the writers turned things back to a dark and dismal feeling of hopelessness for all of human-kind.  I especially thought they did a great job in the episodes around the mutiny and how we really felt any sense of morale slipping through the cracks.

Once this season is over, I will once again, as I always do at the end of a BSG season, need to watch from beginning to end.  It has been a great five years of the most fracking amazing story I have ever followed on television.

Ponderings

Don’t Surround Yourself With Yourself

You know, one of my long time favorite songs is I’ve Seen All Good People: Your Move by Yes because I have always identified with the chess board and pieces, and especially the line “Don’t Surround Yourself With Yourself”.   I love the chess analogies in this song and also those  that I learned as a child reading Alice In Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass so many times.    My 26 years of journals have many references to the board and pieces and their meanings with regard to myself and my view of the world around me.  It is a common philosophy topic that I found great interest in at a very young age.  I will date myself here, but as a child Yes was one of the many 8-tracks that I lost myself in daily in our retro 70s style family room.

Tonight I took a quiz about which chess piece I am and was surprised to be the White Bishop.   But the description seemed fitting when it said “Despite your unusual talents, you are often overlooked by your opponent.” and “One unfortunate fact of the bishop: No matter how hard you try, you can only reach half the squares on the board.”

I think that makes good sense…never having full control, but, at times, able to go great distances in one move.  And of course, I think most people would agree that I traverse life diagonally.

When it comes to the Alice In Wonderland version of the chess pieces, there have been times where I have identified with the Red Queen….so quick to say “Off with his head!”  In terms of dating and finding the slightest reason to rule him out and stay single.  It is so much easier to be single and in control of my world, but even the queen doesn’t last long on the board as the lone piece.

Most of the time, however, I think of the words of Yes and remind myself that I cannot surround myself with myself.  I must move on back two squares.

It’s that time again for me to rethink my position, determine the objectives and evaluate the plan for my next move.

Day To Day

The Evolution Of An Interaction

For the past few months, Jamey and I have been stumbling to each other the most impressive and artistic nude and semi-nude photos we find on the net.  So, I just received a stumble from him, and the note he attached with it was really cool.  He said:

So we dated for a while, worked together for a while, have been friends forever, I became an honorary member of your family, and now we send pornographic pictures to each other.  It’s an impressive relationship 🙂

My response was simply:

I concur whole-heartedly!

I mean, really, what can be better than continuously trying to out-do eachother with an even sexier photo than the last?  The symbiosity is exciting!

Theme Songs

Saturday In The Park – Chicago

Saturday In The Park by Chicago has always reminded me of when I was a
very little girl (maybe 5 years old or something) when my real Dad
would sometimes actually show up on a Saturday like he was supposed to
do every Saturday, but usually didn’t.  On those rare Saturdays that I
did get to spend the day with him, we would often go to Lake Shore
Drive in Chicago to the park there and play on the beach and I could
swing on the swings and stuff.  So, sometime later, 6th grade or so, I
started to get into the band Chicago and loved their song Saturday In
The Park, which came out in 1972, and it always reminded me of those
days with my dad in the park plus the fact that I was born on the
fourth of july and the song references that.    Hanging out with my
dad on those rare occasions always elated me because I always waited
so long for him to show up and I had him up on a pedestal in my mind
when I was a little girl.  Hanging out with him on a Saturday was like
there was no tomorrow and he could do no wrong (of course until the
next Saturday when I waited all day for him to show up).

Saturday in the park
I think it was the fourth of july
Saturday in the park
I think it was the fourth of july
People dancing, people laughing
A man selling ice cream
Singing italian songs
(fake italian lyric)
Can you dig it (yes, I can)
And Ive been waiting such a long time
For saturday

Saturday in the park
Youd think it was the fourth of july
Saturday in the park
Youd think it was the fourth of july
People talking, really smiling
A man playing guitar
Singing for us all
Will you help him change the world
Can you dig it (yes, I can)
And Ive been waiting such a long time
For today

Slow motion riders fly the colors of the day
A bronze man still can tell stories his own way
Listen children all is not lost
All is not lost

Funny days in the park
Every days the fourth of july
Funny days in the park
Every days the fourth of july
People reaching, people touching
A real celebration
Waiting for us all
If we want it, really want it
Can you dig it (yes, I can)
And Ive been waiting such a long time
For the day