It is 2am and, once again, I cannot sleep. Sometimes I wish it were not so difficult for my thoughts to stop and allow me to rest. I had a nice day. Hung out at the pool all day. Drank some beer, had some giggles. The moon is so bright over my pool right now.
Another Day
There is a bird nest, lying on the ground in my back yard. And next to it, there are some broken eggs. Pretty sad. I suppose it is the circle of life, and some creature got to have a pretty good dinner on those egg guts. But what is really amazing is that I look at that nest and some bird put it together with pieces of grass and straw and stuff and wove it all into a nice nest with its beak and claws and it is really pretty cool.
I had a pretty good day today. Nice and relaxing. I did a lot of swimming in my pool. Drank some beer. Some friends stopped by and shared their thoughts about life and love and whatever. I met a girl today. She came by the house. She is going to rent my spare bedroom. She seems extremely nice and wonderful. It will be nice to have the company. I have been somewhat lonely lately. It is amazing how I can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. I wish I could figure out where all of this emotion has come from. I am not used to it. I feel like such a girl. I have never so clearly felt the beating of my heart before. Wish I knew what was going on with me. I had it all under control, and now my emotions are taking over and I am afraid to just go with it cuz I do not quite know what to expect. I am just going to lay low for a while and see what happens I guess.
Still Climbing
I am just sitting here, thinking, how well things are going. How, for the first time in my life, I am standing on the very top of my goal. And finding, that this is not the top of it all, but merely a ledge, at the base of another climb… a place to stop and look back at where I have been… a place to look up and devise a plan on how to get to the next peak. For the first time in my life, I did not slide back or fall down before reaching my goal. It is the most amazing feeling in the entire world, and yet, a bit scary too. Suddenly, certain things seem so irrelevant and others seem very important for the first time. I am suddenly realizing how much control I have over my life and my dreams and my goals. Me, myself and I. Yet there is suddenly something missing. Something I have never known before. I know it sounds really stupid, if you do not know me, but, for those of you who do know me, maybe it is time to tear down that wall and try something new (just to try it). I know you know what I mean. Thanks for nudging me at times.
Staging N’Sync
212 of us worked the NSync show last night. Our job was to tear down the set after the concert. It was fun. Unbelievable. Well, first of all, we were all standing there watching the concert. I am not really into NSync, but they do a pretty amazing show. Then, when they were doing the encore, a bunch of us were standing behind the stage, waiting for them to be finished. I could see their feet dancing around right in front of me. Then they ended their encore, got off the stage, and we all began tearing down the sound and the lights and everything. Amazing to see the whole process that goes into tearing down the staging set. Amazing how much muscle power is required for the whole thing. I was truly impressed with the whole group of people who had one common goal in mind and the organization involved. Very cool. Rhino Staging rocks!!!!!
Ugh!
Today, right now, at this very moment, I just need to say Ugggggggggh!!!!!
More details later.
Friendly Fun
Ok, so, here is the deal. Just to not confuse people, because a friend of mine said I am contradicting myself…. Wanting passion to be romantic and intimate DOES NOT contradict my desire for it to be just friendly. Being romantic and intimate DOES NOT mean that I want him to start over-staying his welcome or anything like that. All it means is that, just because it is just raw animal sex, does not mean that it needs to be completely impersonal. Does that make sense? Maybe? I want a one-on-one relationship with a great friend who I can have great intimate moments with WITHOUT IT GETTING COMPLICATED!!!
I am 31
I just turned 31 years old. I keep wondering if passion gets better as I get older, or if I just am getting better at picking the guys who do it right. Maybe a combination. hmmmm. Someday, I am going to spend a weekend with someone, at some bed and breakfast somewhere in the mountains, when it is a bit chilly outside, snow is falling all around, the fire is dancing in the fireplace, and, for an entire weekend, he and I are looking in eachothers eyes, gritting our teeth with sheer satisfaction, taking breaks now and then, laying in eachothers arms, napping for a while, room service brings us some food and wine, and we eat, and watch the fire dance, and go again, knocking it out again and again as the snow falls outside the window and I may not even know his last name. 🙂
Bonobo
Steering away from sex for a while. Too complicated. My toys and I will be spending a lot of time together once again. Sometimes I really wish I was a Bonobo Monkey. It is far less complicated for them. They just swing from the trees and have sex all day and night. Being a human with such a huge sex drive just becomes too complicated because of the other humans in the world who just do not understand. I have a lot of work to do and a lot of stuff that I want to learn now that I am out of school and have time to learn all of it. I will just keep busy. My outgoing personality gets me in too much trouble. 🙁
On With My Life
Well, the move to Arizona went pretty smoothly. Do not have internet yet. There are no lines to my house for COX cable. They said that they need to dig up my driveway and put some lines in. Good thing is that they are covering the cost of that. The house is GREAT!!! I like it a lot. It is huge. More than twice the size of my last house in California, and for around the same price. Plus I have a pool and a huge yard. Traffic here is so great. Does not make me miss California at all. I can drive the speed limit. Amazing!! No more 5mph bumper to bumper for me. The people here are great. I love my new job. If you want to check out where I am working, go to rhino. I am going to be doing perl, java, oracle, etc. So far, I do not miss school at all. Everyone asks if I will ever go for my masters. Right now, I really do not think so. Too much stress. And in my field, experience and knowledge are the key factors. I learn a lot on my own.
Graduation!
I GRADUATED TODAY!!!!!!!!!! Now I am on with my life.