I find beauty in everything. During the course of my life, I have often been told that I am naive or that I live in a fantasy land. I used to take this criticism to heart, however, I now am sad that more people cannot be this way. As I get older, I find more and more people being cynical. Most people tell me that it is merely realism. What the heck is realism? Realism must be different for each person because your realism and my realism do not seem to be the same. My realism is not shadowed with negativity. I take what I need and leave the rest, and what I need is the beautiful things. Mark always tells me that I am living in a fantasy land and that the world is not made up of rose petals. What difference does it all make? I am happy in my fantasy world. Why should I change that? I know some older folk who claim to be realists. They are bitter. Maybe I view the world through rose colored glasses, but I am content and non-jaded.
Category: Ponderings
Sex Not Bombs!
Life is Sacred
Unlike the terrorists, we hold life sacred, and when we stop doing that, we become like the terrorists. I heard that on the radio today and thought it was perfect.
It is ok to be angry, but it is important to direct our anger at the right person or people. I have heard a lot of people, who claim they were never prejudice, suddenly having prejudice thoughts. I have seen stories on the news about hate crimes against muslims and arabs in our country in the last week. We have always taken pride in the fact that we are a nation of extreme diversity and we welcome all people. If a child is ridiculed because of being of muslim descent, then the seed of hatred is planted and it will blossom. Let us not lose sight of the fact that we may be from different backgrounds and nationalities and religions, but we are all humans living on the same planet. There are evil elements in all groups of people, but it does not mean that the group is evil as a whole. I agree that it is very hard to trust and open arms to some people when it has become public knowledge that the men who took control of those planes had been members of our society that were even well liked by the americans who they interacted with for the past few years. I realize that you are as angry and sad and shocked and worried as I am about the events that occured on September 11. It was terrible and cruel. When Tim McVeigh took down the federal building, did we hate all Americans? Did we want to kill all Americans? Yet, as it states in a news article about the bombing: “And lost that moment – although nobody knew it yet – was the innocence of America. Homegrown terrorism had
arrived with a vengeance, and the terrorist was the kid next door. And he was cruising away from the carnage –
down Interstate 35. ”
I am angry too. Please do not think that I am not. I am scared for the future. I am sad about the loss of so many of our people who had dreams and futures and loved ones left behind to cope without them. I am sorry with all my heart that this has happened. I do not want to lose my freedoms due to the need for heightened security. I do not want my world as I know it to be changed. I want my fairy tale world to be as it always has been. In order to cling to the hope that it may still be, I must remember how easily anger can turn to hate and I must not let any act of cowardace that is fueled by hate reduce me to that level because I am an American and I am stronger than that….. and so are you.
Fight?
Some people say that we should not fight, which goes along with the two wrongs do not make a right theory. And some people say that we should which goes along with an eye for an eye theory. And I say Why can we not all just get along but that is only my fairy tale fantasy world theory and it is impossible because this has been going on since the beginning of history of mankind. So, what do we do? I do not know. Should we go over there and kick ass? Maybe, but not like a traditional war. No. It will not be a traditional war. We will never have a war like Viet Nam or WWI or WWII again. We just do not have those kind of wars anymore. We are going to go over there and find the person or people responsible and demand justice be served. Maybe with a trial. I do not know. We are going to force justice on the person or people responsible and not on the country full of innocent people that were not responsible. The problem is, we do not know who is responsible, and the scary part is that these people blended in with our society for years and we did not even know it and people say He was such a nice boy. So your neighbor could be a terrorist and you would not even know it. So, what is the solution? I do not know. I just want things to be like Star Trek after the federation, but it will not be that way at least for a very long time.
Still Climbing
I am just sitting here, thinking, how well things are going. How, for the first time in my life, I am standing on the very top of my goal. And finding, that this is not the top of it all, but merely a ledge, at the base of another climb… a place to stop and look back at where I have been… a place to look up and devise a plan on how to get to the next peak. For the first time in my life, I did not slide back or fall down before reaching my goal. It is the most amazing feeling in the entire world, and yet, a bit scary too. Suddenly, certain things seem so irrelevant and others seem very important for the first time. I am suddenly realizing how much control I have over my life and my dreams and my goals. Me, myself and I. Yet there is suddenly something missing. Something I have never known before. I know it sounds really stupid, if you do not know me, but, for those of you who do know me, maybe it is time to tear down that wall and try something new (just to try it). I know you know what I mean. Thanks for nudging me at times.
Bonobo
Steering away from sex for a while. Too complicated. My toys and I will be spending a lot of time together once again. Sometimes I really wish I was a Bonobo Monkey. It is far less complicated for them. They just swing from the trees and have sex all day and night. Being a human with such a huge sex drive just becomes too complicated because of the other humans in the world who just do not understand. I have a lot of work to do and a lot of stuff that I want to learn now that I am out of school and have time to learn all of it. I will just keep busy. My outgoing personality gets me in too much trouble. 🙁
Frank Sinatra in Perl
I found this on the web and thought it was appropriate for my life right now, and pretty cool too:
(hint: even if you not a code head, just read the words as if they are a sentence and skip the other characters)
&now($the_end == ‘near’) && so(); $i->face($the, $#curtain);
my ($friends, $i, $say); $it->clear();
$i->state(my $case_of); `which $i->m(‘certain’)`;
$i->lived($a_life{‘thats full’}), $i->travelled($each && $every{‘highway’});
&more($much > $this), $i->did($it); my $way;
Graduating
busy as a bee right now. I have not shared this too much, but this is very difficult at times. I am so close to graduation, but always very, very busy. People do not know how I do it. Sometimes I do not know how I do it. But I do know that I cannot wait until it is over and I can get on with my life and start really living again. And I am truly thankful that I possess the power to finish my quest to get a degree in computer science, because it has been the most challenging and difficult time of my entire life, and at the same time, it is the most wonderful. Because, as busy as I got, and as almost unbearable and overwhelming everything was at times, in 42 more days, I will be walking across a stage as someone calls my name and announces that I earned a degree in Computer Science. And I will know that I did it while working and taking care of my kids. And it will be such a relief. Such a huge relief….to be finished.
Yellow
So, you want to know what is up with the yellow lately? Well, I do not know. hehehehe. Seem to just be fond of it. Orange too. Actually, I am getting a bit tired of always being surrounded by black. Besides, yellow is a good tribute color to the man who created the happy face.
Opinions
I tend to pretty opinionated at times, and I sometimes say things whether I think you
are going to agree with me or not, and I expect you to do the same. I do not have to
agree with you and you do not have to agree with me, because when it comes down
to it, does it really matter if our opinions differ? We do not come from an automated assembly line.
We each come from our own possibly completely random set of experiences that
are only a tiny nano-fraction of the infinite number of possible combinations of
experiences that can make up the path of what brought us to our own way of
thinking about things. So, when I voice my opinion, do not take offense if the only thing that offends you is that I do not agree with you, because often, I am sharing my opinion in the hopes that you will share yours, because your opinion helps me learn about you, and how can we be friends if we do not learn about eachother and from one another.